Laws of gift giving for men

Some of these are great ideas. Some are a little degrading to men (i.e. the one that says "fetch" at the end) so read, enjoy and don't be offended (we as women recognize that it is somewhat offensive) :)

1. Newspaper is not wrapping paper. Neither is a plastic bag from HMV. Neither is hiding the gift behind your back.
2. Best wrapping paper: katespaperie.com.
3. When you must give gifts: anniversary, birthday, Valentine's Day, Christmas/Hanukkah.
4. When she would also like you to give gifts: Arbor Day, Flag Day, Kazakhstan Independence Day (December 16), Chester A. Arthur's birthday (October 5).
5. Flowers are not gifts. They're a garnish.
6. If you are going to buy said garnishes: roses minus the baby's breath, monochromatic tulips, orchids on the stems, eremuri, calla lilies in colors.
7. Carnations and chrysanthemums are the floral equivalent of T.G.I. Friday's.
8. A blue box from Tiffany's is the ultimate packaging, because it will make the Gift Givee squeal, " Oohh! A blue box!"
9. Addendum: Gift Giver understands that contents of said blue box must also be from Tiffany's or risk serious injury to lower part of body.
10. Practical gifts are a federal offense. You are better off giving a single leg warmer than any of the following: coffeemaker, paper shred-der, vacuum cleaner, computer, fancy pen, smoke alarm, or forklift.
11. Acronym gifts are likewise violations: CD, DVD, BSE.
12. If you don't trust your taste, buy her a service: a massage, facial, or mani-pedi. Prepay the tip.
13. You shall not willfully ignore this obvious but crucially important shortcut: Ask Gift Givee's friends and family for suggestions.
14. If you must buy your girlfriend a dress or skirt, you shall not supersize. Size down, not up. Banana Republic's size 2 is really more like a size 6 these days.
15. Pay attention to the fine print. She says: "I loved that bracelet Rachel was wearing." Your translation: "Let's have a threesome with her." Actual translation: "Buy me that bracelet."
16. Most coveted shoe brands, in descending order: Manolo Blahnik, Jimmy Choo, Via Spiga, Charles David, Nine West.
17. Giver can never go wrong with cashmere.
18. Surf and ye shall find. A few good shopping sites: uncommongoods.com, sephora.com, girlshop.com, blissworld.com, bluefly.com.
19. Try giving six wrapped wine bottles, each labeled with a watershed relationship moment: first anniversary, first baby, first house, et cetera. Open and drink when you arrive at said moments.
20. Addendum: Do not include first affair, first arrest, first divorce.
21. Avoid self-improvement gifts, even if the Givee asks for them. A book on the South Beach Diet will not get you laid.
22. When buying clothes, it's safest to stick to things that will not lead to further self-esteem issues involving the size of her body parts. Examples: hats, gloves, scarves, sarongs.
23. Don't buy lessons. Yoga sessions and pottery classes put the onus on the Givee, and no one likes an onus.
24. Snooping is not a violation; snooping is encouraged. When Givee is not home, look in her closet to see if she likes Club Monaco, J.Crew, or Chanel. If it's Chanel, quietly close the closet door and back away. You were never there.
25. Find item Gift Givee is most proud of and buy a newer, better, more expensive version of identical item. Consider: You're a basketball fan. She buys you tickets to a lacrosse game, citing the logic that it's also a game with a ball and a net. Or else she comes home with NBA playoff tickets, courtside. Which makes you happier?
26. Regarding cards: Avoid ones with jokes about her age, weight, or sexual shortcomings. Try making a card, using a color Xerox of your favorite photo of the two of you … oh, forget it. Fredflare.com or papyrusonline.com.
27. Perform due diligence. Next time your girlfriend is paging through a magazine, listen to her instead of nodding vacantly. Ask to see the item she's drooling over. Make a mental note. Fetch.

Best Six Weeks Ever

I received "Teacher of the Six Weeks"!!! I am still a little in shock and still really uncomfortable with public praise. I really honestly didn't expect it. I have to say that it seems like there are so many other people here that work way harder than I do... or maybe I just don't feel like what I do is work. Here's what I do on a given day. I get here early in the morning, get my room ready to go (feel like I'm never organized) and begin teaching people about math. My job has instant rewards... just last week a girl who was failing received an A on a test probably for the first time ever. Its nothing I did... she has a tutor now, but I was the one who got to see her face when she turned her paper over and saw her grade. My biggest issue at this school has been boys hitting on me and me having to make them go talk to the administrator to stop it. We have some good kids here at Westbury... sure they're lazy sometimes and whine sometimes but who doesn't? And I get to work with my friends. I see my good friends everyday and they are people with the same values as me that hold me accountable and spur me on to be a better person... I've never regretted quitting my job... not once. God is good and had a good plan in mind for me... I'm not sure why I ever doubted. So here's to you Westbury Christian.... you're having the best week ever.

How Long has it been?

Its been forever since I've posted a blog. Well not forever but you get the picture. So here's what's going on with me. (If anyone still reads this). I started teaching. I'm in the middle of my first year of teaching. Its been great so far. I'm finished with my certification class, and I feel so blessed to be at a christian school. Its great to be able to openly talk about God in your classes. I feel like we are able to hold our students to a higher standard and we have documentation to back us up. Also my students are great. They are genuinely good kids. Oh they talk and are late and still try to get out of their homework, but they really do show respect when its needed and they try, which is more than I can say for a lot of places. There are definitely things I don't understand here, such as how kids can just quit sports in the middle of the season without thinking about it. My parents would have never allowed that, but all in all its been good so far. Football season is about to kill. I had forgotten how much I just loved football and when kids that you love are playing it makes it all the worse. They will win, and if they don't, they have given it all they have without backing down and that makes me proud.

In other news, I'm burned out. I'm burned out on people not caring. Adults really. The singles ministry has gotten stale for me. People feel no commitment to it. People make commitments to do things and then drop them for their new boyfriend or girlfriend. And its starting to get to me. I'm starting to get bitter towards people and their choices. Consequently I'm thinking of stopping being involved in singles ministry. No one really feels likes its important so I'm not sure why I do. I really think it might be time to give it up.

So what's new with you??

The Best Laid Plans

So ... in case you didn't know, we're back in Houston. We landed from L.A. on Friday evening and slept in our own beds this past weekend. God did not have it in His plans for us to go to the Philippines. Although God did protect us the whole way. And some awesome people in the L.A. area rearranged their lives so that we could spend a day at the beach.

Yesterday the youth minister pointed out that in addition to satan attacking us as a group, he is attacking us each individually. I feel that, there is a spiritual battle going on here amongst our people. Please pray for the strength and courage to allow God to fight that for us.

Thank you all for your prayers and support. Know without a doubt that your prayers have been answered, we were safe and the will of the Father was accomplished.

24 Hours Later and still in Houston

For all of those who are wondering how our Philippines trip is going... as of now its not. We ran into a snag yesterday as the weather in Dallas wouldn't cooperate. After running to a different terminal, coming back, waiting... and waiting and waiting. We ran out of options for leaving yesterday. Props to our youth minister who did everything he could and still managed to keep everyone in high spirits. So we're going to try all we can to get there. The Holy Spirit was definitely working yesterday!! And the most amazing thing we saw was our teens breaking out in spontaneous prayer for this trip. They've worked so hard and are ready to share the Gospel in the Philippines. So join them in prayer that this trip happens. And if it doesn't, pray that God will open doors for them to share their faith right here or where ever He wants us to be. They've already started that by praying in a public place and praising God no matter what the circumstances. Awesome stuff going on... more updates to follow.

Just Do It

Whatever It Is
are you changing?
do you know it?
do you feel it?
do you know?

but youre waiting
while youre waiting
why are you waiting?
just do it - whatever it is

there are secrets
there are places
there are places you can go to
they might tell youy
eah theyll tell you
that you shouldnt
but do it - whatever it is
go do it - whatever it is
just do it - whatever it is

and youre dancing
and youre looking kinda crazy
and your arms are making little circles
there are reasons
there are reasons
you can find out
so do it - whatever it is
just do it - whatever it is
go do it - whatever it is
whatever it is

its so quiet
and youre dreaming
i turn to you and say
"awake is the new sleep"
so wake up
and do it - whatever it is
just do it - whatever it is
cos awake is the new sleep
awake is the new sleep
so wake upwake up
and do it - whatever it is
just do it - whatever it is
go do it - whatever it is
just do it - whatever it is
whatever it is

I guess its not that I don't know what I want.. its that I want everything

Today I made a decision. I turned down a job. A job that I would have been really good at and really enjoyed. Why did I turn it down? I have no idea. I couldn't make a decision and time was running out so I took the safe way out. As I sit here I'm debating whether or not I did the right thing. Everyone advised me... if its what will make you happy do it.. if you really want to do it, do it... the problem is that I don't know what I want to do. Or probably more accurately, I want to do it all. So instead of doing something, I do nothing. I sit and wait and wonder about things. I'm puzzeled. I want to do what God wants me to do, but how do you know when God is speaking to you. I know how God has spoken to me. I can look back and definitely see the hand of God in my life. But in the moment, I listen for his voice and can't hear it. I'm confused and wondering if I'm too scared to actually be the person that God wants me to be, or if He just has bigger things in mind.

6 White Shirts

So this is not what my closet looks like, however I was reading today about how to organize your closet. As some of you know, I'm an organizational freak. My roommates in college used to move the coffee table an inch just to wait and see when I would move it back. Yeah, I'm a little OCD, but in an orderly fashion (of course). So, I was reading about organization and it kept showing pictures like this. I have to say, this closet looks awesome, and your's can look this great too...IF all you're going to keep in your closet is 6 white shirts. I mean really, who has these contents or anywhere near this in their closet. Me, I have 6 white shirts... plus a million more, plus formals that I will never wear again, PLUS a fabulous USA 2000 dress (you really have to see it to appreciate it), plus... I can't let stuff go, where's the closet picture of that?